Mental Health Awareness Week has been and gone (18th - 24th May 2020) hosted by the Mental Health Foundation and the theme this year was kindness. There is some interesting research around kindness and its effect on others as well as the effects on the person displaying that 'kindness' on their website linked above if you have time to take a look :)
Just because Mental Health Awareness Week has finished, doesn't mean we stop thinking about it. Everyone deserves kindness. The world needs more kindness, more compassion more empathy and more understanding, right now more than ever.
I still hear people talking about mental health as though it is a negative thing and have even heard people say that they don't have it. EVERYONE has mental health just as EVERYONE has physical health and they both impact one another. There are times when our physical health is good and times where it is not so good and if you were struggling with physical health you would see a doctor. Your mental health is exactly the same; it may be good or you may be struggling with it. Just as with physical health, mental health needs taking care of too! Kindness makes a difference. It not only helps someone else, it helps you too! However you class your mental health, kindness is a way of taking care of yours and others. Even if you disagree with that - I class it as a basic human need. It doesn't cost anything and it's not hard to do.
What is Kindness?
The definition according to the Collins Dictionary is:
· Kindness is the quality of being gentle, caring, and helpful.
· A kindness is a helpful or considerate act.
Kindness is choosing to do something that helps others or yourself, motivated by genuine warm feelings or intentions. It is putting someone else's needs first and is shown in the form of a grand gesture, or simply a smile, eye contact or an acknowledgement. It is thinking about someone else, not just yourself. It is showing empathy and being able to see from someone else's perspective.
Kindness is a word that everyone knows and everybody has an idea of what it means to them. It means something different at different times, from different people and in different circumstances. The word has been around for so long (first recorded circa 1200–1300 - but don't quote me on that!) that there is no excuse for not knowing what it means.
What does it mean to me?
To me this should be something that we as humanity really needs to be working on all the time. It should be high up on the list of priorities. It makes a difference to everyone and when we're talking about mental health it's even more important. It's something I try to work on and I am trying to instil the importance of kindness in my little girl.
When I think of kindness, I immediately think of those people from whatever point of my life who have shown me kindness when I have needed it the most. The names of certain friends, family members, colleagues, medical professionals, faces of a few strangers I never got to know the names of.
The guy who works the later shifts at our local supermarket who went above and beyond to get me nappies for my little one because her size has been sold out the past four weeks I've tried to get them (they are the only ones that fit her properly). He finally got hold of some and saved them for me, greeting me with arms full of nappies, before I'd even gone to look to see if there were any, insisting he would let me take a whole crate if I wanted them.
The women in the supermarket the day I tried to shop for a handful of things I desperately needed with a screaming toddler who was insisting on running away, taking things off shelves and throwing them and then whenever I got hold of her screamed bloody murder. One older woman smiled at me and told me I was doing a good job (clearly trying to make me feel less of a failure), one woman who I apologised to who told me not to because all hers did the same to her when they were that age and she understood and the member of staff who took my basket off me and helped me through the checkout while I tried to pay and keep hold of the screaming toddler that I was carrying like a rolled up rug under one arm. Small stuff in the grand scheme of things but HUGE to me at the time.
When I think of people I know who I perceive as kind people, they have not necessarily done something huge or made a grand gesture. They haven't spent money or spent hours preparing for their acts of kindness. They are the people who are there. The people who check in, even when I haven't for a while. They are the people who continue to involve me even when I haven't joined in the last three times they tried to involve me. They are the ones who ask 'how are you?' and then ask again because they really do want to know. They are the ones who acknowledge, who listen, who encourage, who find a positive when I can't see any. They are the people who accept me for me and look past the negative. They are those who show patience, and understanding.
Think back to when someone has shown you true kindness at a time when you needed it, how much of a difference did it make to you? What did they actually do? What did it cost them? What did it look like? Could you do the same for someone else? Most of what comes to mind for me are small things to the other person that they probably don't even remember doing but that I won't forget. Kindness costs nothing but can mean everything. It is a gift everyone can afford to give. "No act of kindness - however small - is ever wasted" - Aesop
The biggest thing I need to work on is my reactions. I find myself easily frustrated by rudeness or other peoples negative behaviour but often think later on about why that person may have been acting that way. What has happened to make them feel that way? "You never know what someone else is going through, be kind, always" is a phrase I am trying to remember whenever this happens.
This kindness thing is not just about what you can do for other people. How can you be kind to others if you can't figure out how to be kind to yourself? You cannot pour from an empty cup so an important thing to take away from this if you take anything away at all is show yourself some kindness. Especially important right now, while everyone is finding things just that little bit more difficult.
Listen to the way you talk to yourself
Think to yourself 'would I say that to someone else?' and if the answer is no then maybe it's not OK to say it to yourself either... Silence your inner critic and cut yourself some slack, you are doing your best. Show yourself some compassion and self acceptance. It's ok to make mistakes, it means you're trying. Forgive yourself for not completing that to do list or achieving that goal you set yourself. It's not a failure, it's still there to aim for. It's one attempt, it's a lesson to learn from for when you try again next time. It's not all about the destination, it's the journey that's important. Learn to recognise your achievements, progress no matter how small is still progress and you did that! Well done to you!
Reach out and connect
If you are feeling low or alone, you don't have to accept that as how it is. I have known too many people who at some point have felt this way and it makes me extremely sad to think that they genuinely thought they were alone or didn't want to 'burden' someone else. There is always someone. Even just to talk about anything can free your mind from how you talk to yourself. If you really feel that there is nobody... Try me. There's also truth in it making you feel good because of being able to help someone else, so even if you're not feeling this way, still, give it a try, you might make someone else's day!
Take a break, rest, recharge
Time to yourself and to clear your head is important. It doesn't matter if you've only been at something for 20 minutes, if you need to take a break, do it! Allow yourself this small mercy. It's not weakness its self preservation. Allow yourself to recharge, you don't expect your phone to keep running when it's been on 5% for a while already so why would you push yourself beyond this? A good friend said this exact thing to me the other day so I'm passing it on to you: If you are tired or drained, then this is what you need. Accept it and rest.
Do more of what you love
Whatever that thing is that you enjoy doing for you. This is mine. My crafting, my aromatherapy and candle making, a Disney film, blanket, the sofa and my little girl. Make that time, it's so important. I have always been terrible at making time to do these things as something always needs to get done and those things took priority until I learned to make time.
Walk away from things that cause you stress
This is something I have had to learn to do the hard way. I know that this is often easier said than done and not all circumstances allow for this but that's where these other points come in. Whatever the stressor is; person, situation, argument, job, relationship of some kind, if it is causing you stress, ask yourself can I walk away from this? Is this good for me? Is there another choice / option? There is always another option - sometimes you just need help or to take the leap of faith to be able to see what it is.
Practice gratitude
A strange phrase but it actually does take practice to get into the mindset of doing it. Find a positive even when things feel negative. See my previous post on perspective and how powerful that can be. There is always something to be thankful for. The positivity that comes with this is a great way to show yourself some kindness.
Move more
Ok so I need to take my own advice on this one. June is #MoveMoreMonth and there is plenty of information that comes up if you Google it. It is an undisputed fact that physical activity has a positive effect. It is a form of self care and it improves both physical and mental health and especially at the minute it's just nice to go out to exercise more even just to have a change of scenery which is enough to lift anyone's mood!
Treat often
This is a phrase I associate with a friends business and what her business stands for - 'Eat Well, Live Fit, Treat Often'. (Shameless advertisement alert - please go check out www.ellyjoy.co.uk, guilt free indulgences. If you're going to treat yourself do it properly! Amazing human being and big inspiration, go show her some love people). Allow yourself a treat. For me that might be bath and facemask, chocolate, a whole tub of ice-cream, @fro.co.nut from @Elly.Joy... (It's fine, it's called balance, I will move more and eat salad tomorrow to make up for it!)
I'll leave it here with this last thought.
Thanks for reading :)
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