So... here we are... week 7 of lockdown (I think) on someday the 12th of May (honestly I have no idea what day it is anymore)... still at home... waiting this whole pandemic thing out...
As hard as it is and has been, as hard as I'm sure everyone is finding it, I'm thankful. Strange right?
Please don't take that the wrong way, I am in no way downplaying the severity of the current situation (AKA Covid-19) and this terrifying time that we are all collectively going through! Big picture - people are dying, people are losing their loved ones. I have friends and family who have lost people they care about in this last few months and my thoughts are with them.
There have been some words and phrases thrown about a lot in the last few months like 'in these unprecedented times' and 'this is a time of uncertainty'. Never good phrases to hear, especially for anyone who struggles with anxiety. There have been talks of 'togetherness' and a real 'pulling together' of people in the UK and in fact the world... The first one yes, the second, mmmm sort of. There is a sense of global togetherness. Everyone is facing the fear of a life threatening illness weather it is a fear for themselves or their loved ones, nobody knows how to fix this because this is something that nobody has ever dealt with it before. In that sense we are all in this together, not everyone is in the 'same boat' though and that is something I find myself thinking about, even more so with the latest statement from Boris on Sunday. Everyone has different circumstances, different worries, different priorities, different feelings and ways of processing these feelings... This is not easy, for anyone!
I guess writing this is my way of putting this out there for anyone who hasn't thought about it this way or who might be struggling with this right now. Perspective is a powerful thing. It is something that we have complete control over yet often neglect to remember that. In a time where we feel that we are losing a lot of our control and freedom that we would normally have, now is as good a time as any to check in with ourselves. For me anyway, it makes a bloody big difference. I can't always shift my perspective and sometimes it takes someone else to do that for me. Perhaps if I can do it this time, I can be that someone else for someone else... Confused? Yeah me too. Moving on...
So... maybe if I can share my perspectives, someone will be able to relate.
It has been 7 weeks (I think, I've lost count) since we saw family and friends. 7 weeks since I could hug someone I care about that isn't living within these walls and I miss them.
I have managed to keep my friends and family safe for 7 weeks. I have not helped to spread this virus. I have not put the people I care about in danger.
It is scary to leave the house, even shopping for essential food is a worrying experience.
At least I can leave, even if it is just to shop for essentials or for exercise (yeah right!) I have that choice. I have so far been able to feed my family and have had no shortage of toilet roll. I still have some, albeit limited, freedom, not everyone has that option and I should appreciate how lucky that makes me.
Not everyone is following the rules. It is hard to do what's right when you see so many flouting the rules and putting others at risk. It can be infuriating and the language in my head is more colourful than this but roughly translates to 'we want to see our family too, why should you get to and we can't?'
I cannot control the situation or the actions of others but I can control my own actions and how I react to others. I am staying home to protect the NHS. I am trying to be a good role model for my daughter and teaching her the values I think are important, like thinking about others and to know our actions effect others. I am not helping the virus to spread and I am not putting myself or others at risk.
We are stuck at home getting cabin fever, some of us with children who are starting to turn feral and need to be back out there to let some steam off at the very least.
We are lucky enough to have a home and not just that; a home with a garden and with plenty of things to entertain us and the toddler - we're just going to have to get creative! We are safe in our home and for that I am thankful. Not everyone feels the same and I hope that those people know that there is help out there even in this difficult time.
We can't work at all or we have to work from home.
We have both these situations in our house. I am thankful for the government support for furloughed workers. I am thankful that I can work from home in both of my jobs (the cuddle breaks enforced by the toddler are a nice bonus) and that I don't have to go out right now to work because that thought is terrifying to me and only makes me appreciate those who are doing it for us even more. All key workers are incredible and I cannot imagine how you are all coping!
I feel guilty about struggling to find a balance between working from home and giving my little one the attention she deserves and would normally get from me when we are home together.
I am spending more time with her, time which I otherwise wouldn't have had and in turn she gets more mummy and daddy time than she usually would. I am grateful that she is too young to really remember or understand all this, there is plenty of time to learn that the world can be a scary place when she's older.
I am thankful I don't have to home-school and that is coming from an ex-teacher. To those of you who are home schooling, please remember, if it's not working today, it's not the end of the world. I have talked to so many people who are finding this a difficult battle. To any parent struggling to home school - what they need right now is you. They need reassurance that things will get better. They need coping mechanisms and to understand the importance of self care and showing themselves some compassion if they're finding this hard, because it is hard and that's ok. They might not be getting time with their teacher but they are getting time with you.
This is hard. I'm not and will never be one of these people on social media who have developed a six pack from their wonderful new exercise regime, are making gourmet meals, home schooling their kids who are now working well above age expected standards, have learnt 42 different new skills while in lockdown, have redecorated the entire house and still manage to look like they've spent 3 hours each day having a professional do their hair and make-up.
Nobody needs to be that person. I'm not even convinced that person is real. It doesn't matter if you don't turn into a fitness guru or cook meals from scratch. It doesn't matter if that job that's needed doing for ages in the house still isn't done. It doesn't matter if you don't use this time to remodel the house of get a new qualification. Have an off day, go back to bed, rest and have a brew, put the salad away and eat a whole tub of ice-cream instead, work on the summer body next year, press pause on the course / lesson / tutorial, give yourself a break, this is not normal so don't expect yourself to function as normal or to achieve more than normal and if you do, great! That's a bonus and well done to you!
At this point for me my training courses and learning are serving as a good distraction and I was doing them anyway before this started and baking with my daughter is another way to keep her and me occupied. However, my house has been cleaned but not to the panic cleaned standard for weeks (there's nobody coming to see it and what's the point with this lot in the house it only stays like that for 2 minutes max anyway!) I'm practically living in my PJ's and I'm not sure I know how to put on make-up anymore. My exercise regime consists of cleaning up after my little one, trying to stop her hurting herself by climbing everything in sight or being made to stand in the middle of the living room and dance for hours on end (current songs of choice are - the Hey Duggee stick song or Thank You Baked Potato).
Don't compare, get through each day, you do you!
I am not the best at doing this but I am really trying to work on that, especially right now. We are in control of what perspective we choose to go with. This sucks, I feel trapped, isolated, frustrated, anxious, but I also feel incredibly thankful and lucky to still be here to be able to feel that way. I'm alive, I'm healthy, I'm not alone, I have my family, a house over my head and the technology to communicate with those I love. If you are here reading this, I hope you feel the same!
Is your glass half full or half empty? In all honesty I'm just glad to have the glass at all!
Thanks for reading my long ramblings! Please feel free to share any thoughts or comments below or add to my list of things with your own! :)
コメント